Friday, November 7, 2008

bitter mom. First post hahaha

I'm not comfortable with other mommies making this comment: " I'm basically a single mom too". I realize there are a few women out there who, although married, are in troubled marriages and rarely see their partners let alone share the responsibility of a child. However, I haven't met one of those yet but I have heard this annoying comment more than a few times.
I believe it's an attempt to commiserate with me but they don't have the right to commiserate with me. It simplifies the challenges of single parenting as if childcare is the only factor. It's not unusual that women do the majority of the childcare and, that alone, makes parenting INSANE but childcare is only one aspect of single parenting. How about dealing with issues like dishwasher breakdowns, car repairs, toy assembly. What about not being able to take out the garbage or leave the apt at all after your child is asleep. How about WORKING FULL TIME to pay the bills AND paying the bills. I am the only one who makes or buys dinner seven nights a week. I don't get a break. I don't have anyone to stay home while I go out and shop for myself or scrap book or Craft fair. There is no one to play puzzles with the toddler while I prepare a meal or clean a kitchen or take out the garbage. Nobody to help me deal with an unexpected pipe burst. I deal with it and I deal with the toddler at the SAME TIME.
I am usually not angry about being a single mom. In fact, my situation is better than many others and I don't often complain. However, this comment was made to me last night and - well - now it's the first entry in my Blog.


the mommy said...

I know this post is a couple of years old, but wow, you sure hit the nail on the head for me.

I'm a single mom of a one year old and have been single since the beginning.

Like you, I love being a mother & realize it could be so much worse, but I often think about the little conveniences of having a caring partner. Yep, taking the garbage out is a huge ordeal for me. Sometimes carrying little one with one arm, a bag of trash in the other.

A quick trip to the store would be a luxury for me! How about an uninterrupted shower? I plan my days around baby's nap time and RUSH to get everything done in under an hour! Or trying to get baby and self ready for any type of outting? Putting on makeup and doing hair, while baby fussing or tugging at your hair dryer electrical cord? Gotta meet at the restaurant in 30 minutes & baby still needs a diaper change, a snack, and fresh clothes! Usually princess looks adorable and I'm the one who arrives with an earring in only one ear and disheveled hair, lol!

When I got laid off from my job, I did not have anyone to lean on and the emotional vulnerability of knowing that makes things sometimes more overwhelming.

I completely understand the difference between "basically" being a single mom & REALLY being a single mom.

Kudos to you! Hell, kudos to US!

the mommy said...

Sorry, one more:

Being sick and being a single mom! When all you want to do is crawl into bed and die...but baby needs lunch, diaper changes, care and attention.

I think that's the time I really, really hated being a single mom & felt sorry for myself the most!