Tired?

Did you wake up at 200 am to watch the wedding?

Did you then wake up at 600 am and go to work?

You must be EXHAUSTED! .................

Imagine this feeling multiplied by 3 as if you woke up then went back to sleep, woke up then went back to sleep, woke up then went back to sleep and then woke up for the day finally at six am.

Now add to that, incessant cawing like a crow in your ear each time you woke up and for thirty minutes while you try to fall back asleep.

Now add bloody breast nipples and an aching back.

And... you can't get a nap until, if you're lucky, 600pm.

That would be 1/ 365th of what it feels like to be NURSING MOTHER in the first year of a baby's life.


NOW IMAGINE:

The bleeding nipples, the cawing, the feeling of needing to go back to sleep AND...

there is no coffee left,

there are no groceries in the fridge,

there is a stinky dirty diaper flood in the bedroom,

the laundry is overflowing,

you haven't eaten a cooked meal in two months,

the bills are piled up next to the computer,

You have NOTHING to look forward to. No one is coming to relieve you at 600pm.

That would be 1/365th of what is like to be a SINGLE NURSING MOTHER in the first year of a baby's life.

Wha happen?

Somehow the kid weasled her way back into my bed. She is in there now. Seriously?
I am out here, eating gingerbread, drinking pinot gris and watching American idol.

operation: run errands

Mission: to return a steam floor cleaner and purchase an SPF facial moisturizer with BHA

Mission must be planned strategically and then executed precisely else one or both tasks will not be achieved.

1) make sure it is neither too close to nap time nor too soon after waking. Must find the happy time which is somewhere in between.

2) tell child you are going to McDonalds

3) make sure purse is packed with distractions: doll, bandaids, iphone ( apps )

4) Hit Walmart due to McDonalds

5) go to McDonalds first and purchase fries as they take a while to consume.

6) While child is consuming fries, immediately head toward pharmacy isle. B line as time is ticking.

7) once there, ask a sales person to direct you to the correct facial product area so as not to waste time on location.

8) If sales person isn't there, move fast. Normally I would say ditch cart since maneuvering a cart in Walmart is time consuming. However, you have the steam vac on board so...

9) Do not attempt to compare prices. Grab the first brand that says, " SPF 30" and look for the ingredients. If the ingredients have BHA, Hot Damn - head to customer service

10) Return steam vac and buy SPF product. Look more carefully at the product once at home. If it's not what you need, plan another mission for return.

Note: Don't even think about perusing the ladies clothing or toy section. The kid is just one fry away from the Walmart Whine. Get your butt home and consider yourself accomplished for the day.

Never in a million years

The places and things I never in a million years dreamed I'd come to know and love.

Ah... to be pregnant and smug.





Tree House: "Big and Small", "Max and Ruby" "Four Square!" ... ya baby.

McDonald's: thank you so much. really.

Ikea: one dollar breakfast, booze in the cafe and my child is usually exhausted upon our return.

Indoor playgrounds! : disgustingly tacky doubtfully safe promise of a full cup of coffee

cereal bars: a guaranteed source of my extra 15 pounds but - mornings suck...

jelly beans: bribes

Reality TV: most direct route to totally zoning out.

Scotch whiskey: fuck em

Rock it out now while you still can.

Today was a sureal, life lesson kind of day.
I was helping a family friend move her eighty two year old
mother who had been, up until today, living in the same house since she was married.
She Was a school teacher. She lost her husband years ago.
Her son ( our friend's brother ) had been living in the house the past few years and taking care of her.
He died.
Suddenly.

Anyhow, our friend needed to go back to work, which is overseas, and somehow my mother and I ended up helping this woman move to a new 'assisted living' facility.

See? how did that happen? why us?
I don't know but somehow I find myself there today.

And it was CRAZY!

CRAZY STUFF:
going thru her things and finding books, letters and photos from as far back as the 17 Century. ( stuff that had been passed on to her )
The toilet thingy
hanging out in the 'old folks home which is lovely, in a sort of creepy kind of way.
Her eyes...
Taking 35 minutes and three people to get her up off the floor after she had fallen down.

This is what I realized as a result:

I need to rock it out a little more. This body will only treat me well for so long.

So I've decided to make more of an effort to get out of the house! This means a concerted effort to seek babysitting and a social life and maybe even.... gasp - dating?

What about you gals? guys (?) Is there enough fun in your life or is the kid pretty much it?

My Single Mommy identity crisis.

This, I guess, is a response to you Tara! Since you were the only one to comment on my question.:) thanks...

Well

The reason I asked this question about perception of Single Moms by Choice is because I'm not sure where I fit in.

From the day I realized that I would be making this journey alone, I've been seeking a community of other women or men in the same boat.

But I found that calling myself a 'single mom' did not direct to me to other women in my boat; It got me into boats, but they weren't the same.

First I found myself grouped with teen moms.
I was prioritized for the Mother Goose program, a program aimed at promoting literacy and connection between parents and children. I didn't realize why I was prioritized for this. It's an awesome class and it was great not to waitlist like everyone else but it felt wrong. I wasn't sure why I was getting this priority and I was embarrased to share it with my other mommy friends.

Also,as a result of a phone interview regarding a spot for daycare, I was slotted into a young mothers program, which cost less but meant I needed to attend classes on parenting.
I didn't know I had been slotted this way until I showed up the first day and, I admit, I was a little offended.
I know the administrator was just trying to do her job and this program seems like a great opportunity for young mothers. However, I was a 36 year old university educated, working, middle class mom. That was not the right place for me.

The next boat I was directed towards was the divorced mommy boat. During my maternity year, I was referred to a single mothers support group that I attended -once.
The group was supposed to have had daycare. So I wrapped my three month old bundle of collicky joy up one morning and headed to this group. I was hopeful that day.
But the daycare was filled with children over 5 and they told me they couldn't watch anyone under three.
Also, the group (of great gals) was 100 percent divorced moms with husbands to disect and school age children to discipline.
Incidentally they also gave away free bread at this group.
Hmmmm. I didn't fit there either.

So then I decided that I must be called a Single Mom by Choice.

I looked online to find: Singlemothersbychoice.com

This must be me, I thought.

"A single mother by choice is a woman who decided to have or adopt a child, knowing she would be her child's sole parent, at least at the outset" singlemomsbychoice.com

But since referring to myself as a Single Mom by Choice, I have found that many people assume that I intended to conceive. Some people think I've received fertility assistance and some people actually believe that I "trapped" some poor innocent fella so that I could have a baby. By the way, I don't believe this EVER happens. I think it's just another way to blame women.

So, Tara,
I asked the question to see if I was using the right "label" for myself.
Based on your response, the label suits the contents. Your assumption was fairly close:
"Well, here's what I would assume, based on how I feel about being a single mom by choice. If you're like me, you were in a relationship that was toxic..."( Tara ).

My circumstances are/were this:
I was in a very short relationship that wasn't going to work. I became pregnant. I told him. He freaked out and wanted no part of it.
I thought about it and concluded that I was presented with a miraculous opportunity to raise another human and I wasn't going to turn this miracle away just because I wasn't married. I am JUST AS CAPABLE as a married woman to raise a child. I will just have a different challenges.

This is my Single Mommy identity:

I am Single
I am raising a child alone.
I chose to do that.
I did not choose to become pregnant.
I am not young and naive
I was not ever married
I do not have a biological father to contend with
I struggle financially
I am not POOR.
I work.
I study
I LOVE BEING A MOTHER AND HAVE FROM THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT I WAS ONE

So did anybody else out there have a single mommy identity crisis?

Single Mom by Choice?

I've been pondering this lately and I need some input:

I've been referring to myself as a Single Mom by Choice. Could you help me out and answer these questions for me.

What does Single Mom by Choice mean to you?

What assumptions do you make about my circumstances?


Much appreciated... thanx.